*Still 30 weeks*
Last night I woke up from another terribly vivid pregnancy dream. These started a long time ago & all of them have been scary to some extent but for the first time ever this dream was actually about the labour & birth of our baby.
It was pretty scary.
Apparently somewhere during my labour I blacked out entirely & woke up sometime well after the baby was born. When I finally 'came to' my midwife & Mat were there & were quite surprized that I had blacked out because they said I had been talking all throughout but I told them I didn't remember a thing.
Then they introduced me to our baby boy.
And... (here comes the scary part)...I didn't love him.
(Okay, so not like Alfred Hitchcock scary but scarier, I think)
In fact, I felt (in my dream) so disconnected from the baby I didn't even want to hold him.
I woke up feeling terrible, this was probably in the neighbourhood of 4am or 5am & I didn't fall back asleep I just kept running over the dream again & again in my mind. It's horrible, it really is horrible. I know I won't feel that way in reality, but to have dreams so vivid & to find yourself so uncaring is more than just disconcerting.
I am thankful for my doula, whom I shared my fears of not connecting with the baby with last week & she told me I had nothing to worry about because my hormones are on my side & will create in me feelings of bonding & emotional connection towards Squeaker. It was also great to hear that she's met plently of others who have had the same sort of fears. It's always nice to know you're not alone.
Speaking of my doula, we had our labour prep meeting with her yesterday (which is probably what spurred on the dream) It's hard to believe we are already at the stage of needing to prepare for labour! It was fun to have Mat learning alongside me. I've done so much reading on my own, I've wondered if he was ever going to take some time to prepare himself (which I knew he really couldn't because of school work) but to have a scheduled meeting where the whole topic is labour & how and what he can do to participate in an effective way was fun for me.
We also start our prenatal classes on the 15th with one of the midwives from the clinic. I am so excited about that - I am really hoping our red-headed preggo friend (you know who you are!) & her mom come to it as well.
A totally other thing than labour & birth...we got a great great deal on a swing for Squeaker yesterday! Less than half price & its a swing, a bouncey chair & a toddlers rocking chair! And the last of our diapers are in transit from the website we ordered them from. It feels like everything is getting ready for this little one! Just 7 more weeks & 1 day until we're full term!
Last night I woke up from another terribly vivid pregnancy dream. These started a long time ago & all of them have been scary to some extent but for the first time ever this dream was actually about the labour & birth of our baby.
It was pretty scary.
Apparently somewhere during my labour I blacked out entirely & woke up sometime well after the baby was born. When I finally 'came to' my midwife & Mat were there & were quite surprized that I had blacked out because they said I had been talking all throughout but I told them I didn't remember a thing.
Then they introduced me to our baby boy.
And... (here comes the scary part)...I didn't love him.
(Okay, so not like Alfred Hitchcock scary but scarier, I think)
In fact, I felt (in my dream) so disconnected from the baby I didn't even want to hold him.
I woke up feeling terrible, this was probably in the neighbourhood of 4am or 5am & I didn't fall back asleep I just kept running over the dream again & again in my mind. It's horrible, it really is horrible. I know I won't feel that way in reality, but to have dreams so vivid & to find yourself so uncaring is more than just disconcerting.
I am thankful for my doula, whom I shared my fears of not connecting with the baby with last week & she told me I had nothing to worry about because my hormones are on my side & will create in me feelings of bonding & emotional connection towards Squeaker. It was also great to hear that she's met plently of others who have had the same sort of fears. It's always nice to know you're not alone.
Speaking of my doula, we had our labour prep meeting with her yesterday (which is probably what spurred on the dream) It's hard to believe we are already at the stage of needing to prepare for labour! It was fun to have Mat learning alongside me. I've done so much reading on my own, I've wondered if he was ever going to take some time to prepare himself (which I knew he really couldn't because of school work) but to have a scheduled meeting where the whole topic is labour & how and what he can do to participate in an effective way was fun for me.
We also start our prenatal classes on the 15th with one of the midwives from the clinic. I am so excited about that - I am really hoping our red-headed preggo friend (you know who you are!) & her mom come to it as well.
A totally other thing than labour & birth...we got a great great deal on a swing for Squeaker yesterday! Less than half price & its a swing, a bouncey chair & a toddlers rocking chair! And the last of our diapers are in transit from the website we ordered them from. It feels like everything is getting ready for this little one! Just 7 more weeks & 1 day until we're full term!
No comments:
Post a Comment