Ransom's Birth Story

“I don't want to be in a battle. But standing on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse.”

- Pippin (Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

Midnight Wednesday April 6^th

After fighting an entire day with symptoms akin to the period from hell, I woke up in bed unable to get comfortable over the pain. The back pain was so bad it forced me out of bed to try and seek comfort on the couch. Not for a moment did I think that I was in early labour. I was sure I still had at least a week to go, I was sure I was going to go past the due date. But at 2am Wednesday morning Mat found me sobbing from discomfort and exhaustion on the couch. All I wanted was to sleep. We prayed through tears and Mat brought me back to bed, we actually 'timed' the pains I was having...6 minutes apart and lasting a minute. But I still didn't think it was labour, I even told Mat to stop timing them, or we might get ourselves worked up for nothing. Finally I decided to get into a hot shower for relief. I was in there until the water ran cold.

(Mat holding Ransom for the first time)

Back in bed I managed an hour of sleep between pains. Mat woke up for work, he was a little hesitant to go – but I insisted that there was nothing he could do for me at home and he might as well go to work. Once he left – though I was still unconvinced I was in labour, something compelled me to 'ready the house' (prepping food for the birth team, getting the bed, sheets and towels ready) I called my mom to let her know I wouldn't be making our coffee date that day, and I even called my doula to let her know I may need her services sooner than later. (I felt silly calling her...thats how convinced I was that I wasn't in labour)

(Ransom and I just a few moments after birth)

For the rest of the morning and afternoon I laboured in a rocking chair, with my mom by my side, sort of watching Lord of the Rings. Thats where Pippin's quote stuck with me...I didn't want the labour pains...but waiting for 'active labour pains' to start was even worse. We timed some of the pains, but they were all over the place.

Mat arrived home at 3pm, and I informed him that he ought to call work and let them know he wouldn't be in the next day – but even as I said that to him, I remained unsure whether this was labour. For another hour or so I laboured with the help of my mom and Mat. Mat was sure to get himself something to eat just in case 'this was it'...smart move. Finally somewhere around 430pm I realized I was losing my grip with each contraction. Breathing through them wasn't working for me and I'd tried various positions already and none were making it any more bearable. Mat called our doula, Sarah, who seemed to arrive in no time at all. Immediately the first contraction I had while she was there she pushed on the small of my back and squeezed my hips together...oh the difference that made!!

(Our amazing birth team, minus Mat, Sarah, Me, Ransom, Stacey & Christy)

My mom left, and Mat and Sarah timed some of my contractions, it wasn't long before Sarah suggested calling our midwife, Stacey. I couldn't believe it – I was still in disbelief that I was in labour...it was all still relatively manageable! Once Stacey arrived I was all over the place, labouring on the birth ball, leaning over chairs, kneeling, and LOVING the hip squeezes and back pressure from Sarah. When Stacey came in though, I had to ask...

“So I'm really in labour right? Like, this is for real, otherwise you wouldn't behere, right? This isn't like pre-labour?”

She laughed and assured me that this was real....and as if my mind being convinced affected my body...things changed very quickly from that moment on.

(Ransom and I settling in for our first nights sleep)

Stacey checked my progress, which was terribly painful – my cervix was extremely far back making it difficult for Stacey to assess. But the verdict was that I'd made it to 5cm already!

I continued to labour in the loving room while Mat and Stacey worked on filling up the birth pool...boiling pot after pot of water. I was still all over the place, going from the chair to the floor to the birth ball (which is where my water broke...a very strange sensation, especially when your bouncing!!) I finally hopped in the shower (a coping stratgey I'd been saving) hoping I'd find the same relief I'd had earlier that day...no luck. Aside from being terribly scalded (I forgot to check the water before hopping in) I couldn't stand or sit in any favorable position.

(Stacey, Ransom & I the next day. Ransom's first check up)

At this point Stacey checked me again...oi...no less painful...but I was 6cm. Though at the time Stacey told me 7cm so as to encourage me (she admitted this later). It was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 8pm. I laboured on the bed for a while...it was getting really bad at this point. I would cling to Mat or to Sarah as a contraction came on. We prayed and I told Mat how I felt like Pippin from Lord of the Rings. I tried to remind myself to 'ride the waves' to 'embrace' each contraction and rise above it. But this would only work momentarily as my body would no longer let my brain be in control. It's true what's been said, labour is primal, it's beautiful, but very 'earthy', very 'basic' and 'simple' – there is no amount of mind/mental power that can control what the body does in labour. Some would think this to be scary, but I think its a lovely testament to how wonderfully designed our bodies are that at a time like that, they can do the hardest work ever done with the use of mental/mind effort. God designed our bodies to be powerful in and of themelves when need be...and thats nothing to be scared of.

Anyway...back to the birth story...Sarah suggested I get off the bed and walk around and let gravity help this progress a little. The contractions were so close and so intense I could barely lift myself to a sitting position, and it took me a while to get off the bed. I was sapped of energy. I got to my feet and could barely walk. I would saunter a few steps only to collapsed into someones arms at a contraction. I couldn't lift my head at all, and I could only open my eyes to watch where my feet were going. I muttered to Stacey, that I was starting to get the urge to 'bear down'. A feeling I knew I had to resist. At this point Mat later told me, he wasn't sure if I was going to last much longer. He said that I just looked so weak, he wondered if I would make it.

(Perfectly asleep)

Everyone rushed to get the birth pool ready and warm enough for me. Once I got in there it was revitalizing. Mat said it looked like someone breathed all new life into me. Within a few minutes of getting into the pool though, the contractions intensified and the 'bearing down' feeling changed to an urge to push. Stacey said I wasn't far along enough to push yet and I would have to 'blow' the urge off. I did this for something like two hours, in combination with violently kicking my legs and squeezing Mat and Sarah's fingers. (I squeezed so hard my hands were cramped and swollen afterwards, and my legs had such terrible cramps they had to massage my calves). This was definitely the most difficult part of the whole thing and I remember saying that I couldn't do it anymore andthinking to myself thst I would never do this again without drugs.

(Practicing his smiles in his sleep)

Between the contractions I would 'sleep' – sort of a surreal out-of-conscienceness moment, they were blissful, peaceful and at times they felt long, but mostly never long enough. Somewhere close to midnight the urge to push became more intense than I could fight. Stacey checked my progress and oh how I waited with baited breath, I wasn't sure if I could go on any longer. She announced I was fully dialated – I was so excited to know it would all soon be overwith – but then she told me I would have to wait to push until the second midwife, Christy, arrived...about 20 minutes! (There is one midwife to attend to the mother, and another to attend to the baby). I remember thinking - “Forget waiting, there are enough people here to help me and the baby.” I began to push with each contraction and in between I would ask if Christy had arrived yet...ever creak of the house sounded like a car door slamming. I was so excited when I finally heard the back door open – I even said 'hi Christy, you got here fast, did you speed?

(Basking in the morning sun & fighting jaundice)

So we finally got to the business of getting this baby out. I pushed for close to an hour and a half. I could feel the buldge of the babies head and embraced the 'burning pain' as he began to crown. Thank goodness for Ina May Gaskin's books, they really helped prepare me for the physical sensations of birth. I never once feared or resisted the pain. The only thing that bothered me was pushing so hard only to feel the head slide back up – which I knew was a good thing to help the body ease the tissues to resist tears, but it felt so much like 1 step forward 2 steps back.

(Ok, so pretty much this kid just sleeps a lot)

Stacey and Christy informed me that they could nicely see his head part way out. At first I didn't want to touch it, I thought it would be to weird, but after a few more pushes I needed to see my progress and was amazed at what I saw, and I just needed to 'feel' that it was real, and surprizingly it even helped with the pain too.

(Proof that he does have waking moments! Going for our first walk!)

The last few contractions became harder to recognize and seemingly further apart. Itook any small urge to push and put all my efforts into it. With my last two pushes his head came out, and Iknew that if Ijust pushed with all I had once more it could all be over, contraction or not, so my last push got his shoulders out and all! Instant relief!

(The birth announcement courtesy of our lovely landlords)

Immediately Stacey told me to reach down and grab my baby – she had eased him ino the water and as soon as he was on my chest he was crying and covered in a towel. I remember saying “My child, oh my child.” Then I asked, “What is it?” Everyone laughed and said they didn't know because I'd taken him so quickly. I peeked under the towel...boy! :) I held him for a few minutes as peace and joy and energy just consumed me. I was surprized when Mat asked to cut the cord, and so proud to see him holding his son for the first time – as I got out of the pool.

(Our family of 3)

After it all, I was truly high on hormones. I was chatty, cracking jokes, I even got to take a shower (and shave!) No tears or complications, no drugs and a perfectly healthy baby boy, born 2:13am, Ransom Matthew Richard Michael Coker.